This riveting clip from “The West Wing” shows a fictional response to Dr. Jacob, a thinly disguised “Dr. Laura Schlessinger”, the highly prescriptive and directive talk-show host who vigorously dispenses advice to people who call in to her radio show. Oh, that we could all be so eloquent and well prepared when confronted with the “Dr. Laura” in our own lives!
The West Wing: The Ignorant, Tight Ass Club
While one could argue that anyone foolish enough to seek out “Dr. Laura” gets what they deserve, many of us unwittingly end up on the on the receiving end of unsolicited advice. Maybe it’s our older sister, our mother-in-law, a co-worker or boss – or gulp, maybe it’s me??? – someone who is more than happy to tell us not only What to do, but How to do it. No imagination or creativity called for. Just Follow The Rules.
Besides the often irritating and patronizing manner in which rule prescribers impart their wisdom, there is a larger issue. Rules can’t anticipate every eventuality, due to the Law of Unintended Consequences. At their most benign, rules prescribe a set of behavior meant to achieve (or prevent) a certain outcome. The real mischief sets in when the underlying purpose for the behavior gets completely lost as we blindly tick the boxes and follow the steps.
A trivial example is shown in the story of the woman who automatically cut off both ends of the ham before baking it. Intrigued, her husband asked why. She had no idea – it was what her mother had done. Seeking enlightenment, they discovered her mother was just following what her mother had done before her. Finally, Grandma was consulted. The answer? Grandma cut both ends off the ham because her baking pan was too small. Far more serious examples occur in instances of religious and racial intolerance, such as depicted in the West Wing clip, all humour aside.
Why do we do this? Why do we blindly follow rules ourselves, and worse yet, insist on telling others how to do things? Several reasons come to mind, some of them well-intentioned, others not so much:
- We have success with a method, and wish to pass on our wisdom
- We want to save others time and effort
- We want to prevent a screw up
- We don’t stop to consider others’ preferences
- We don’t realize we are being bossy and directive and driving people nuts
- We are arrogant and insensitive
In a work environment, this can be demoralizing and stifling, leading to lack of employee engagement. “Why think for myself?” recipients of the dictates reason. So they tune out and contribute less than they are capable of. In our personal world, it strains relationships and causes unnecessary ill feeling, to say nothing of inciting rebellion. Being lectured to makes one want to do exactly the opposite of what is “suggested”.
Sometimes detailed instructions are just what are called for, though, especially when learning a new skill. A seasoned cook, when confronted with a braising recipe, would instantly recognize the purpose. Braising – rendering tough, cheap cuts of meat, rich with connective tissue into meltingly tender, mouthwatering chunks. They would cast an eye over the proportions and barely glance at the steps. A novice cook would follow the recipe line by line.
As well, there are times and places where strict protocol and procedure is called for. A pre-flight checklist, for instance. Frankly, I’d rather the pilot didn’t “wing it” – pun intended – and forget to check a vital safety item, regardless of her preference for creativity.
Lists and procedures are often the preferred method for people with strongly structural thinking preferences, and for them, are an instinctive method of taking action. Even so, taken to an extreme, over reliance on rules can lead to inflexibility and rigidity. If procedure is your preference, be aware that it isn’t for everyone. Back off sometimes.
If you are more of a conceptual thinker, recognize that your more free-wheeling ways can be very stressful for planners. In the same way you resist rules and procedures, structured thinkers break out in hives when confronted with no timeline or proposed checklist. Consider how to meet them half way. What needs to be nailed down, and what can be left unstructured?
Instead of engaging in following rigid rules – the How – let’s pause to consider the What and Why?
- What are we trying to accomplish?
- What purpose does this serve?
- Why are we doing this?
- Is there another way?
- Is there a way that better suits your natural way of taking action and solving problems?
Frankly, we could all benefit from keeping our eye on the bigger picture, but at some point in every project, we must agree on What is going to be done by Whom and by When. A lot of the time, though, the How can be left to personal preference. And remember: nobody likes a Bossy-Britches.